Facing The Sorrow
"Hey girl, you-?"
"If you are going to ask me if I'm fine, I will rip out your intestine and hang you with them."
The masked Sarkaz easily towered over Idalia. He could grab her skull and fling her around like a rubber toy, without getting winded for hours. Yet despite her petite form, the mercenary took a careful step back. With the bags under her eyes, as well as the twitching brow of hers, coupled with her hand on her dagger's handle, the Sarkaz realized that the girl would actually act upon her warning.
A hand tapped his shoulder. He glanced behind him, only to see his boss motion with her thumb away from their location.
"Move on, I've got this."
Idalia hissed after the Sarkaz, causing him to increase his pace to escape. W put her hands on her hips, raising an eyebrow at the girl.
"I know you can be like a stray cat sometimes, but this is taking the cake. The hell's going on?"
Rubbing her eyes, Idalia was definitely not slumping over like a creature from a cave. No sir. She let out a deep breath, not a yawn, before smacking her lips and slowly shaking her head.
"Just a bit tired."
"You walked into a street lamp earlier today," W pointed out. Clicking her tongue, Idalia kicked a trashcan nearby, her eyes narrowing just a bit, because any further and she might actually close them by accident.
"Maybe those shitheads up there should position their lambs better. Baaaaa."
Damn sheep. They were supposed to be fluffy. Not hard and thick and long. Stupid. It ruined her good mood of finally reaching a positive win loss record. For some reason W stared at her with a blank expression. Then she slowly nodded before putting her hands on Idalia's shoulders.
"...Okay, you need to sleep. Like, right now."
Idalia huffed, slapping the hands away. Offended, she blinked one eye after the other, for that was how blinking worked. Then she raised her finger and pointed at W. The left one anyway. Then the third hand grabbed her finger and adjusted it to the right one. Nevermind which W she was pointing at, she had a point to make.
"Sleep is for losers and I'm not a loser." One eye blinked. The other blinked after. "I need to train more. More training means more results means less annoyance. It's simple math."
"Didn't you tell me Sona managed to poke you and you deflated like a balloon?"
The Flametail Knight was slandering her for greater fame. How devious. Ignoring how flat W's expression looked as she crossed her arms, Idalia scoffed, trying to cross her arms, only for them to miss each other and fall limply at her side. Nevermind that then, she had to give out the truth.
"It was a secret technique she reserves for the strongest of opponents," Idalia stated with absolute confidence, nodding slowly. W raised an eyebrow in response.
"Nooooo, she told me she literally poked you with her finger."
"Touch of Death."
The Sarkaz gaped at Idalia's immediate and perfect response. Then her finger poked against the girl's forehead, almost causing her to tumble over. Ah, another master of the Touch of Death technique!
"Idalia, go the fuck to sleep."
Idalia blinked one eye after the other, slower than ever. Then she opened her mouth, only for no sound to come out. After a long period of time (three seconds), Idalia managed to beat her own paralysis and come up with another excellent counter.
"...No."
"You aren't even arguing back anymore!"
Idalia pressed her lips together before shaking her head again.
"...Wrong?"
"You seriously nuh-uhing me?!"
Ah. Loud voice. Her only weakness. She rubbed her temples before letting out a sigh. Retreat was her only option. Just like it was her only option to run away from those shark sponsors trying to make her pose for underwear…or whatever they were telling her. She didn't listen by the third guy and began to throw rocks at them like a reasonable person. Not that it seemed to deter them at all.
Idalia could swear she showed up more in the newspaper ever since she began with throwing rocks.
"Fine, no training, but I am not taking a nap like a toddler. I don't wanna sleep." She pointed into a random direction. "I'll just take a walk."
For a moment W stared at her. Then she let out a sigh.
"Better than nothing I suppose…"
Idalia pumped her fist weakly before starting to walk off. Not realizing, for her soul was imprisoned in her body this time, that W made a finger motion and two Sarkaz mercenaries emerged from the shadows, nodding in acknowledgement.
It was a wise choice to do, for not even a minute later, Idalia faceplanted on the ground. Not only because of her own tired mind…but because she approached the warehouse.
The one with the Revenant Fragments within, the miasma wrapping around her like a soft blanket.
The vortex was eternal. Their hate was a constant permanence within the world. Like a rotting scar, they would become weaker, would become fragile…but they would always exist. Those that dare enter their domain, enter them themselves, would be sheared down, shaved down, like all civilizations did in the sandstorms of the world.
There was no peace. Only hate.
Through hate, they gained purpose.
Through purpose, they gained strength.
Through control, they gained victory.
And victory shall break the chains inflicted upon them by all filthy outsiders.
Their hate…shall set the Teekaz.
They remembered a thousand years ago. They remembered decades ago. They remembered days ago. Oh, the latest crime inflicted upon them. A broken tool disguised as a child. Stealing what was rightfully theirs, to destroy their kind. Their revenge was delayed, many more maggots interfering in their duty to remove the filth from the hallowed lands of Kazdel. But it was nothing more than that. A delay. Time meant nothing for that which was eternal. In the crimson storm that was their souls, their auras, they waited. Growing stronger, recovering from their broken state. Patient hunters. Experienced predators.
The Coordinator walked towards them willingly. Exhausted, naive. She was still in a trance, her eyes empty. She would not realize as her body was broken down into nothing, torn apart. No screams, no agony. A pity. But hate did not discriminate.
It only desired death. Thus, they slowly closed in, the hurricane of their vengeance closing in, condensing, to consume and break her down whole. It was time to drown her, to erase her, to snuff the filthy Coordinator out of exis-!
"That will not be necessary."
An invader! A foreign hand grabbed onto the hand of the Coordinator, about to rip them out of their grasp! No, that will not do! The world will not deny the Teekaz what was theirs! They pulled back, with all their combined force. Even scattered from the main majority of the Revenants, they made up for the lack of numbers with pure seething hatred. But no matter how hard they pulled, becoming a hole of the abyss itself to drag the Coordinator back…
The foreign hand didn't budge. Nay, the foreign hand was overpowering them! That blinding light, objectively dim, but scathing in the 'eyes' of the blood crimson realm of the Revenants, it was as if they were put children trying to fight back against a giant!
Thus, the end result was this: Their prey was denied to them, as the girl was dragged out of their realm, only their screams echoing after the thief before they were cut off completely once more.
///
Idalia groaned as the wet droplets hit her face repeatedly. She blinked before opening her eyes. Did she pass out somewhere and it began to rain? Weird. She rose to her feet, stretching her arms. For some reason she didn't feel much more rested than before-
The first thing that she noticed was the wet earth beneath her. No, not just that, moss. In Kazimierz' ghetto, where everything was hard and broken asphalt and cement. Her eyes snapped wide open as she shot up to her feet. Looking around frantically, she covered her mouth, trying to stop herself from hyperventilating.
A forest. No, a jungle. Not only that, she was right next to a river. She took deep and calming breaths. She didn't recognize the trees around her. Only that they seemed…northern. Maybe she was in Poland? In order to check, she tried to release her soul upwards…
Only for nothing to happen. She bit her thumb, only to flinch a the pain she experienced. It only caused her to stumble backwards against a tree.
"Not a dream…?"
Pain meant she had to be awake. But being unable to use her ability implied this had to be a dream. In the few lucid dreams she had, which could be counted on one finger, the same phenomenon happened there. So which was it? A very realistic dream…or was she actually-
Just as she looked around frantically, to make sense of the situation, she let out a stifled scream before slapping her mouth shut.
Someone was floating above the river. A black rain coat covered their entire body, making them look like a modern day grim reaper. She couldn't make out a face, despite the lightning dispelling the darkness around them for a moment. It was as if a miasma was covering their features. They pointed at her and…Idalia hissed as she covered her ears, hearing only static in response.
"I-I can't understand you…" She whimpered. The figure paused, tilting their head almost innocently. Then, they pointed down the river. Idalia stared at the figure before gulping.
"I'm supposed to walk that way…?"
The floating ghost nodded once…and then slowly vanished from her view. Idalia shivered before hugging herself. She had too many questions. She didn't want to be here. But…it was her only lead. So…what else could she do, but follow that instruction?
Her left foot touched the water first. As expected, it was freezing. Like a thousand needles assaulting her. She grit her teeth, taking a deep breath, before fully submerging her lower body into the river. She almost fell over due to the current, but managed to balance herself with her arms. Her teeth clattered as her skin was paler than ever. But she preserved and slowly pushed forward, wading through the waters.
No animals around her. Not even insects. Only the rumbling of the storm filled her ears, the raindrops drumming against her flesh. Time lost any meaning to her as the environment seemed to refuse to change itself. How long did she wander through the waters, weakening and killing her own body more and more with each step?
Eventually however, a change occurred. In the distance…something was approaching. Several somethings. At first, she could barely make out their humanoid forms…until she recognized the horns. Recognized their raw emotion from…from Kazdel.
"You are…!"
The Sarkaz Revenants came after her, hands like claws as they reached out. The souls she herself fought off in the realm of spirits. Tearing them apart, crushing their heads.
"Coordinator…! You did this to us…!"
"You tore us from the collective!"
"How many times do you need to kill us to be satisfied?!"
As they got closer and closer, Idalia wanted to step back…but was unable to. Thus, without weapons, she raised her hands, ready to throw out whatever CQC was needed.
"I was defending myself!" She snarled before throwing the first punch. The moment her fist went through one of the Revenants, it was as if her arm went through pure lava. She screamed in agony, the pain, the hatred, burning her limb. She rubbed it in shock, trying to check if it was still attached…only to see no damage at all.
She hiccuped. But that was all she could do before the next ghosts went through her, slamming more pain down her flesh.
"You attacked US first!"
"You came to OUR home!"
"WE are the defenders! YOU are the murderer, like the rest of your filth!"
"I-It was my mission! W-W needed my help so-!" Idalia stammered, tears running down her face. She resisted the urge to kneel down and cower. Doing so would only drown her. So no matter how much she wanted to flee, to protect herself…she had to keep walking through the revenants. Trying to scare them away with nothing but words.
Words that were weak even to her own ears.
"Being a tool does not free you of sin!"
"You who threw the first rock, you mustn't dare claiming you had no choice!"
"You are a killer!"
"A monster!"
"You wanted this!"
"P-Please…!" Idalia muttered, clenching her tearing eyes shut…only to realize the voices stopped. She carefully opened her eyes…only to see the ghosts having gone past her. She almost retched, throwing up whatever she had in her stomach. She wiped her eyes before coughing violently.
She should have dismissed those…those delusions. Discarded them as nothing more as her mind playing tricks to her. But the hate…it was all real…and their words…they…they were justified…
She only went to Kazdel because she felt lost. Because W offered her a path to distract herself. And in that moment, she didn't care for agenda. For the reason she was there. She just wanted to kill to feel better. Demonic spirits or not…who wouldn't be filled with rage at someone like her?
But nevertheless. No matter how justified the Revenants were in wanting her dead…she wasn't. And they were.
Dying would not give them any peace. She knew that. With that in mind, she somewhat calmed herself down. Thus, she tried to remain alive, even with the suicidal action she was taking.
To keep moving forward until she found her destination…or died trying anyway. The thunder rumbled, striking down trees nearby, but never her. Step by step, the pain that burned her arms began to subside.
Thus she was not surprised at all when more ghosts came up the moment she "recovered". This time, she wasn't facing any Sarkaz. Instead…she faced humans like her. She never met them. She didn't know their faces.
But she knew the machines they were piloting. The symbol that they wore on their spiritual shapes.
A red scorpion.
NOD.
They snarled the moment they approached her. Idalia braced herself, gritting her teeth. Then they began to pass through her, inflicting direct damage to her very soul with each step they took through her.
All while not. Shutting. Up.
"You ruined everything!"
"We blessed with a divine mission, you denied humanity salvation!"
"What reason did you have to kill us, huh?!"
"You tried to kill me first!" Idalia snarled back. This time, she knew in her heart that she was right. They planned to ambush her and the escort. This time, she was not the attacker. Yet the vengeful souls were not deterred by her words, marching on towards her regardless.
"You could've fled!"
"You had no stakes in this!"
"You only fought for money, for orders, but we fought for a greater and grander picture!"
"What right did you have?! What purpose do you have that overshadows ours, huh?!"
Idalia bit her lips as she pushed on. She didn't have a greater purpose like them. The weight of her actions were light, despite taking so many lives. And she killed nonetheless, even if justified. What were their lives like? What good or bad did they commit, could they commit?
She would never find out, as they were left behind her. As she moved on. Idalia started to piece together what she herself believed in. The weight…of her own past.
Justified or not. In the aftermath, she could use so many words to claim she was right to kill them all. That she had no reason to feel bad. But that was wrong.
She killed. End of story. Killed on the orders of others. She was nothing more than a weapon each time, denying responsibility and pulling the trigger. For no reason but to pull the trigger. Could she truly say then, that her life weighed heavier, was more important, than the lives she took?
Before she knew it, before she could gather her thoughts, she heard them.
Crying.
Not out of rage, but…filled with fear. Sorrow, even. She looked up, only to almost choke on her breath. No adults faced her, grown men and seasoned killers. Instead, she could barely make out their shapes, swimming helpless in the water.
Children. Babies. They all reached out to her, desperately, as they were swept away by the currents. Idalia had no idea who they were, despite the familiarity she felt. She clutched her head in pain. In that moment, one of the babies grasped her leg…and refused to let go.
She gasped, the emotions flowing into her. Yearning. Love even. A wish for her to remain. Flashes of nothing, voids of something filled her head. She knew them. But she didn't remember. All she felt was guilt. All she felt was fear.
They didn't want to be alone. They didn't want to be left behind. They didn't want Idalia to be the only one who managed to walk out. Childish blame was there, why she didn't take them with her.
Idalia stopped moving. More and more hands grabbed onto her, and started to gently lower her into the river. She didn't resist. It felt…soothing. The acceptance. To be one with the discarded. To take in their fleeting emotions compared to the hatred…it was easy.
After all…didn't she live long en-
Idalia remembered. Her beloved class mates, pulling her out of the world of grey. W, the Sarkaz, saving her again and again from despair. The mercenaries, handing her candy, interacting with her. The knights she fought, unfriendly and friendly. She remembered the machine that choose her, Voidranger.
More importantly…she began to remember more. Who the ones were that hit her. That injected her with drugs. Who were always dissatisfied with her and eventually threw her away, not knowing she managed to survive.
All that sorrow…the fear…all of that which was directed at her…!
Idalia snarled. The children and babies flinched. But she didn't care.
How dare they?!
"IT ISN'T MY FAULT! LET GO!!!"
She tore away, reaching out as she coughed with the water entering her lungs. But she struggled nonetheless as she tore herself up and up, more and more small hands losing their grip on her.
"I want to… I want to live…you are all already dead…I'm sorry for what happened to you…! But I am not responsible for what happened…! I was just another victim…! So let go already…! Don't blame me for being lucky!"
Idalia leapt out. Out of the river. The river ended somehow. The currents still kept on for some reason. She didn't care. Crawling at the dirt, crawling forward, Idalia breathed and coughed heavily, trying to drag herself out of the river. Tears mixed with the rain and the river water as she took one grabful of earth at the time to keep moving.
"I…I can make all sorts of justifications for my actions…but…but in the end it doesn't change the results. I did kill. I did only follow orders…and I…I can't take it back…I can't take any of it back…"
Her body fully left the river. She turned around, flat on her back, as her chest slowly moved up and down. She covered her eyes with her arm, shaking her head weakly.
"All I can do…is try better from now on…To take responsibility for my own actions, no matter what…! I…I don't have time or the power to carry anything else…!"
"To have the courage to recognize one's fault…and to have the wisdom to recognize one's innocence…good."
Idalia's upper body snapped upwards. Her eyes went wide when she saw them again. No, him again. The grim reaper in the raincoat. Floating as if he was as light as a feather.
Speaking words she actually understood. Idalia grit her teeth with frustration before pointing at him accusingly, despite the fear gripping her very spine.
"You…What is this all about?! Who are you?!"
He did not respond however. Instead, he stared behind him, at the endless river, that kept on flowing down.
"The world is one…of sadness. Battle brings death. Death brings sorrow," he muttered quietly. Yet here was a weight to his voice, an authority, that made Idalia listen, as if pulled into a planet's orbit. A tear formed and fell down the shapeless face of the reaper…a tear of blood. "The living…might not be able to hear their voices…Their cries may fall on deaf ears…But make no mistake…the dead are not silent."
He looked back at her. He pointed at her, causing Idalia to stiffen up.
"Mercenary. Coordinator. Child of the Patriots. Names given to you. Duties given to you. Simply following orders. But that does not absolve you of your sins. Of the blood staining your hands."
Idalia lowered her head. Before all this, she would dismiss his words. Tell him to screw off. But after the ghosts vented upon her, after she was faced with the direct consequences of her actions…all she could do was nod meekly.
"...I know…"
The reaper stared at her, quietly. Then, he slowly nodded. Despite not seeing it, Idalia could swear she saw a smile form.
"You know now. It is the first step." He looked up at the rain. Idalia could swear the lightning and thunder ceased, leaving behind nothing but a gentle drizzle. "The world is made of sorrow…but it doesn't have to be just that. For before we are tools of war…we are all living beings that shall die one day. Who shall leave something behind at the end of our lives. With the hopes that someone, anyone, will pick up our wills."
"I…I don't know if I care for their wills themselves. But…but if nothing else…" Idalia let out a shaking breath before putting a palm on her chest. "I will remember them…and carry them with me. Good or bad."
The declaration said out loud…it was as if a weight finally came off her own heart. To fully declare that she would no longer be a Good Solider who followed orders…but a foolish human who decided for herself. Who looked at the bloodbath she would cause in the future with eyes wide open, knowing her own reasons for doing so and accepting the results nonetheless.
The shadow forming around the reaper's face faded just a bit, to reveal a smile in truth.
"Do not avert your eyes from your own actions. Always remember. Be aware of why you do things. Through that…"
He gently waved his hand. The world began to shift around Idalia. Before she knew it, darkness claimed her…but not before she heard his final words.
"The spirit of of the warrior will always be with you…"
///
She slowly opened her eyes as her head rested on her crossed arms. Her expression was not refreshed however. Nor was it amused. After all…
"How many times am I going to pass out…?"
She groaned as she stretched herself…and looked down at her clothes. She raised an eyebrow. That outfit…didn't she use to wear it at the academy? She looked around before frowning deeply. Yes, this was in fact her old classroom. She sighed, stretching her legs out before leaning back on her chair. Well, at least this was a better location than in that wild and abandoned forest. She felt warmer already. Still, her soul was still incapable of leaving…and as she pinched herself on her right cheek, she was still capable of pain.
So once more, she had no idea if this was real or dreaming. Lovely. She rose to her feet. No spooky grim reaper or vengeful revenants to "guide" her. So she had to figure out a path herself. With a sigh, she walked towards the closed door, reaching for the handle-
-only for the door to open on her instead and revealing…
Her eyes were open wide, her mouth agape, as she stared at the two people she never expected to see ever again.
"Oh!" Hania blinked before crossing her arms with a pout, glancing at Tomek with a glare. "Told ya she'd wake up sooner than later! Now I missed the timing!"
"I wasn't going to sit there all bored and shit!"
"...Huh…?" Idalia let out dumbly. They were standing there. In their old uniforms. As if nothing ever happened. The chipper aura of Hania was the same as ever. And Tomek's rough demeanor was just like the past.
"Hey, Idalia! Long time no seen! How you-"
She didn't get to finish her sentence before Idalia leapt at the two of them, arms wrapping around them. They easily caught her, but were forced to take a step back by the sheer force of her jump.
"Oof! Hey, got a bit more muscle there!"
Her chuckle died out when they both heard it. The sniffles that began to stain their shirts. The two shot each other a panicked look. Tomek recovered first however, smirking at his classmate.
"Congrats, you made her cry. Great milestone."
"If anyone, you made her cry!"
She punched the two of them, her fists like hammers. They actually flinched at the force behind them, but not as much as when the tearstained expression of hers faced them directly.
"You both are making me cry, you d-dummies! You tell me to be careful all this time and you guys are the ones to-to-to…!"
Two hands patted her head. She leaned into them, weeping and hiccuping.
"There there."
"Sorry for leaving you."
She snapped her head up again. Wiping her eyes, only for new tears to form, she stomped the ground, her cheeks puffed up.
"You should be! I've got stuck with W! W! You know how crazy she is?!"
The two of them looked at each other in confusion before shrugging as they turned back towards Idalia.
"Not really."
"Yeah, not like we can or want to stalk you. Who's W?"
The words flowed out of Idalia. Filled with exhaustion and outrage, she recounted the events that led to her association with the insane mercenary. How she was dragged around by the natural disaster against her will. How that woman would refuse to leave her alone. Again and again, she remembered how W was always there, being an annoyance. By the end of it, her throat was dry. Her breath was heavy.
Yet her friends were as calm as ever. In fact, they had teasing smiles as they looked at Idalia with warm eyes. Ignoring the fuzzy feeling in her chest, she tilted her head at their strange reactions.
"Sounds like a banger lady."
"Ugh, what a stupid pun." Hania rolled her eyes before raising her thumb in approval. "Well, at least you had someone looking out for you!"
"Not by choice!"
"And yet, you are smiling like crazy."
Startled, she touched the corners of her mouth. Then she covered it in full with her palm, blushing profusely. The two began to snicker at her, causing her to stomp the ground again.
"I'm not! Shut up!"
"Right, right. Topic change!" Hania clapped her hands together before leaning forward, getting into Idalia's personal space with sparkling eyes. "Did you keep our promise? You did, right?! How is it in Kazimierz?! Tell me, tell me!"
Idalia flinched. Right. The girl had more than flowery images of Kazimierz. The truth would be…Before she could utter any words, Tomek hit the wall lightly with his fist before pointing behind him with his thumb.
"Let's walk and talk, my legs are getting tired."
Thus they wandered through the halls of the academy. Whenever she remembered them, Idalia would snarl and feel heat rise up in her chest, always remembering that dark hidden room with the documents. But now? All she felt was a…lightness in her chest. Remembering the idle daily lives of going to class and back. Listening to the excited stories of Hania. Seeing Tomek's boasting.
Back when she was really just a regular student girl. She smiled softly before clearing her throat. They reached the training fields, the place where she honed her archery skills, that translated over to her mech skills. She looked away from Hania, who had a thoughtful expression on her face, smile gone at this point.
"Sorry the Majors aren't like you imagined them to be."
Hania blinked before letting out a sheepish laugh. She scratched the back of her head.
"Eh, nothing is perfect. Sorry I forced you into this." The smile grew more genuine as she patted Idalia on her hat. "But I'm glad you are doing well there! I knew you had it in you!"
"I'm above average at best," Idalia pointed out, causing Tomek to snort, playing around with one of the practice swords.
"Cs get degrees."
"What he said!" Hania hummed before crossing her arms. "Still, got anything else than the tournaments and the mercenary work? Any hobbies?"
"...I like sweets?"
The older students shared a knowing, flat look. Idalia blushed as both rolled their eyes.
"And water is wet. We meant something new."
Hania nodded in agreement.
"Yeah! For example, any new books lately? Been out of the loop, with y'know what!"
Idalia stared at the ground. Her lips thinned. She…really didn't have any other hobbies, did she? Taking a deep breath, she shook her head.
"I…haven't read any. Or done anything else, really"
"You should pick up some literature then! There's more to life that you can only find in stories!"
"Nerd."
Hania narrowed her eyes, her smirk fading as she shot Tomek a dirty look.
"You're just smug because she trains a lot more than in the past!"
"Heh, she might even put up a decent challenge these days."
"Wanna try it?"
They turned to Idalia and her raised eyebrow, her small grin. Blinking for a moment, they both had expressions of pride before Tomek waved his hand dismissively.
"Eh, no need. I'm satisfied."
"Are you?" The words came out before she could stop herself. She flinched as the two tilted their heads. She took a shivering breath before looking down at the grass. "You…you both died…"
"Blown up by an ambush. Yeaaah, not the best way to go."
"I survived the first blow, but damaged mech didn't leave much opportunity there. I did take down the rat bastard who threw the first rocket though!"
"Eyyy, fist bump!"
Idalia grit her teeth. Her fists were clenched. Then her emotions exploded out, tears forming in her eyes. How could they be so…casual about their own deaths?! So at peace?!
"And-and you're just fine with that?! You had so much to live for, unlike-!"
The glare she received stopped her short. Hania raised her finger while Tomek narrowed his eyes as a warning.
"Finish that sentence and I will punch you."
"Same."
"S-Sorry…" Idalia muttered, looking down. Tomek sighed before scratching the back of his head.
"Can't say I ain't disappointed about going out like that…but what can you do? Just gotta let go and look at the positive."
"Getting all angry and hateful is how you turn into a spooky haunting ghost. Not for me, hehe." Hania's features softened before squishing Idalia's cheeks. "Look at you. Grown up so much. I was worried at first…but you'll do just fine."
"Could be better," she muttered weakly.
"Always could be. Stop whining."
"Asshole."
"Language!" Hania huffed at her two friends before letting out a sigh, her hands on her hips. "Hah…but really…I'm happy for you. You live such a full life these days…"
"...Nothing is grey anymore. I…I never thanked you for bringing me out for the first time."
Idalia sniffed. She wiped her nose, only for Hania to give her a gentle hug.
"What are friends for?"
"Don't get all sappy on me, women."
"Stop ruining our moments!"
"Hahaha…"
Idalia blinked a tear away, as the two of them began to fight each other. Then she looked around. Ah, they were outside. The sun was setting. Just like it always did when their training sessions were over. It painted the city in a soft but warm orange light. She looked to the side, seeing the bus having stopped, waiting for them. Walking towards it, she glanced behind her with a small smile.
"Where are we going next?"
But they weren't standing there anymore. Instead, she walked into something soft. Blinking in confusion, she saw her friends right in front of her…wearing apologizing expressions as they were already half way into the bus. She stared down at the palm that…prevented her from moving forward. Her eyes widened, looking up, only for Hania to shake her head.
"Sorry, Idalia. But this isn't your bus."
"Don't you remember?" Tomek added before tapping his skull. "You aren't supposed to go to the last stop just yet."
The last stop. They were going away. Forever.
They were dead after all, unlike her. Biting her lip, Idalia furiously shook her head.
"But…but I…I'm not ready yet…!"
"Nobody is." Hania let out a sigh. "But we have to do it anyway."
"We lived a good life. It's over for us. Not for you. So don't be too much in a hurry," Tomek said, snapping his fingers at her. Idalia lowered her head, her lips quivering. She heard another bus approach from behind her. Clenching her eyes shut, she felt the urge, the burning need, to follow her first friends. But in the end…she remained standing.
"...Is it…is it really alright for me to go back…?" She whispered quietly.
Was it really alright for her to live when they didn't?
""Of course it is!""
No hesitation. Voices of confidence. A weak giggle escaped Idalia. She looked up with a tear stained smile.
"...I love you guys. I…I will miss you…"
"You've got this, Idalia."
"Ya make us proud!"
Thus, her two classmates entered the bus. Before the door closed, a plain middle aged man adjusted his glasses, before putting his hands on a wheel with a nod towards her.
Then, the bus started up and left her behind…Fighting back the urge to break down, Idalia turned her back on her departing friends.
To move towards her own destination.
///
"You stupid girl, why do you look so satisfied, huh?! Why were you strolling around near that fucking warehouse?! None of us could get close to it! We had to ask red bush tail over there to drag you out of the radius!"
"It's not that bushy, right?"
"Shut it, I'm talking here! I told you to sleep, but nooooo, little shit thought she knew better when she was about to pass out! I should've chained you up when I had the chance instead of sending those two schmucks after you! The gall, to act all tough but then getting mindfucked by Sarkaz Revenants! Are you even listening to me, you little-?!"
Idalia wasn't sure if she wanted to cry out of gratitude that she was awake, cry because she was getting a scolding or cry after everything she went through. But if nothing else…she was smiling softly.
After all, she was back.
She was still alive.
And maybe that was okay, if her old friends told her it was.
